“I feel like I’m just a human incubator now!” – Wife
This was early on in the pregnancy. I tried to console her, and let her know she’s doing a great job. But she really wasn’t having it. She was feeling miserable and she really needed me to know and I needed to act.
At that point I asked myself, “What does a husband do to ensure his pregnant wife is getting all the support she needs? What can I do to make things easier for her?”
You know when you’re trying to solve a problem and your mind just stays frozen? It’s like an app crashing inside your brain and everything staying still. Or it’s like me trying to channel Sherlock’s Mind Palace. Unfortunately I’m no Sherlock and my mind is less like a Palace and more like a Shack.
But after thinking things through, I realize that if my wife was going to physically and mentally give up her body for the next nine months, as her husband I should at least do the same in whatever capacity.
With that in mind here’s what I’ve learned so far halfway through my wife’s pregnancy:
- Don’t ask, just do. If you ever need to ask, “Babe, do you want me to help you with X.” You need to not ask and just do X, and while you’re at it solve for Y too.
- That above and beyond awesome thing you did is now the standard. Early on in my wife’s pregnancy I was the food police. I was paranoid of her eating anything that could put the fetus at risk. This included pesticides on fruits. So what I did was started peeling the skin off of fruit she eat. This has now become the norm, and I am a level 50-Ginzu master.
- Do all the chores. Even the crappy ones. On top of the manly chores that I do like fight off wild animals, hunt, and chop wood with my bare hands, I learned to do all of the other stuff too like laundry or cook. Learning to do it all makes me feel like a pretty badass husband. I’m kind of like Captain Planet, if earth, wind, water, fire, and heart were, Garbage, dishes, cooking, bills, laundry, and groceries.
- If she doesn’t want to eat it, she really #%^$#! don’t want to eat it. Always prepare food options and respect what she wants. As I mentioned in a previous post food-swings are for real.
- Be a Sherlock. Deduce and anticipate her needs. My wife has a “I need a ginger ale face””, as well as a “I need to sit down look.” After picking up these looks and expressions I was able predict what she needed and just acted. It made me look like a mind-reader. But more importantly it allowed me to show my wife that I am an attentive husband and I knew what she is feeling.
I hope I can look back to this in the future and not lose sight of what needs to be done for my wife. I know that if she’s making a big sacrifice to bring our child in the world, this is the least I can do right?