As I said, that was a “good” experience. You can see from the clip she ate all her oatmeal, and most of the food stayed where it should be and not on the floor, or in my face.
With that said there have been worse situations – one in particular involving blueberries that I do not wish to think about.
Suffice to say, the entire eating and feeding experience has be a trying experience, and like many new parents going through this process, it can be defeating and discouraging.
Sometimes, I would think to myself:
“Man, I can’t wait until she learns how to properly feed herself. I’m looking forward to the day where she’ll just eat without me having to worry about it!”
Things also go beyond just feeding. In the early stages of teaching my daughter to eat solids, I still remember the science lab-like setup in our kitchen.
We would steam, blend, bake, boil, pre-chew (okay that last one was a joke), every organic vegetable known to man, hoping to find the perfect combination. Often times she would devour what we feed her the first bite, only shut her lips and treat it like poison the next.
I remember during this stage my wife and I felt pretty defeated.
Up until this point our daughter had steadily gained weight. But at 13 months, when she began to become a pickier eater, that’s when her weight started dropping. And the truth is, we’ve always been spoiled by the fact that she was always a good eater, so the loss of weight hit us pretty hard.
We felt that we had failed as parents, despite feeling that we had tried everything, but she still wasn’t eating. The more she didn’t eat, the more the pressure mounted. It began to feel like how it was when we first brought her home, with the constant tracking of how much she ate, and measuring dirty diapers, and doctor check ups.
I was warned how difficult things were going to be with a newborn, with the constant crying, and sleep deprivation. But I had no idea that feeding my daughter would put my patience and sanity to the test once again.
Before kids, I had no idea that feeding my daughter, or taking her out to a restaurant would require so much effort.
But now I know.
I now know, the pressure of getting your kid to eat.
I now know, the struggles of meal planning and preparation.
I now know, how it feels to not get to eat your food when it comes nice and hot.
I now know, the tag-team technique of alternating between shoving down your own meal while the other parent feeds.
I now know, how it feels to lose the battle of wits between a tiny human and a full grown human.
I now know.
And when our friends who don’t have children watch us at restaurants, we feel their beam of pity and concern.
I can see it in on their faces as they are thinking: “How are they this patient?” or “Is it always like this?” or “Should we stare, or not stare?”
Rest assured, we are fine. And please don’t pity us. We’ve come to realize that this is just the process of getting food in our kids.
Believe me, the first time we were at a restaurant, we did care and we were super self-conscious of what people would think if our daughter had a meltdown.
In fact, I remember us only going to noisy and spacious dim sum restaurants so that if she cried or screamed, no one would notice.
How do you even get mad or frustrated when you’re treated to things like that?
And that’s the thing – like everything so far with this parenting gig, things do become rewarding.
This kid knowa how to push my limits, but she also knows how not to break me. She just knows when to throw me a bone once in a while.
I could be sitting there feeding her for 45 minutes with no luck, but somehow by the grace of her mercy she decides to take in four consecutive pieces of chicken in a 30 second span.
My inner voice goes from, “F this bull crap!” to, “I’m the GREATEST!” in a matter of seconds.
These are the rewarding moments.
These are the moments where you realize it’s all worth it.
Such is the theme of this parenting thing, isn’t it?
We emotionally beat ourselves up, and bend over backwards for our kids, but we still endure it.
We endure not because we are sadistic or stubborn, but only because we are parents and that’s how we are wired.
And you know what? It’s not all doom and gloom.
The eating and feeding process is slowly getting better and better.
My daughter is slowly learning to feed herself, and little by little those tiny wins are slowly becoming large victories.
So if you’re a parent who is struggling feeding your kid right now, I promise it does get easier. I know every child is different, but I can confidently say that every good parent is the same, and your efforts and intentions eventually get rewarded.
And with this, I leave you with the most recent and unremarkable video of me feeding my daughter.
This is not to brag or anything. But rather this is to show that eventually they get it.
Comparing it to the first video in this post, this is proof that the feeding experience does get easier.
And for me personally, if I didn’t write this post, I would not have the opportunity to see the improvement.
So please, no matter what stage you are at, enjoy these moments.
Cause eventually our restaurant frustrations will no longer be us trying to get our little humans to pick up a spoon and feed themselves, but rather it will be us telling our big humans to put down their devices and interact with us like how they used to.
If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to leave a comment below, or send me an Instagram message, or a tweet!
If you have questions or comments on your own toddler feeding experience, I would love to hear from you!
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With my daughter just turning one yesterday, I had some time to reflect back on what a crazy first night it was when she came into this world. Behind this confident looking dad constantly posting Instagram photosof how wonderful being a dad is – lies a memory of a traumatic, life changing first night at the hospital. A night that has forever shaped this dad, and is now in the back of his mind whenever the inkling of having a second child comes into conversation.
You know when you buy Ikea furniture and before you build, you go through the instructions and feel a little overwhelmed? That’s kind of like becoming a parent. You know what the end product looks like, but the process of getting there is what’s confusing and intimidating.
You realize that the end goal is you becoming a competent and loving parent, but in order to become that, you need to go through so many confusing and trying steps.
That is what I realized that first night when she arrived.
I remember that the first night after she came out, when her mom was recovering and I was lying with her skin to skin on a makeshift couch bed, she was so tiny and so delicate.
I thought to myself:
“Oh sh*t, I have a daughter. Oh sh*t, I’m a dad now.”
That moment, I felt like everything that I had prepared myself for was useless.
I envisioned how I would be as a dad, and I envisioned how it would be like to have a baby. But when it finally happened, I never actually thought about process of become a dad.
Basically, for those first early moments, I just did stuff I saw on TV and movies.
Seriously, at one point in my hysterical mindset I thought, “Oh I must sing this song to her so that she’ll have an emotional attachment to it and be calm in the future whenever I sing”
I talked to her and told her how everything was going to be fine and life is going fantastic.
That was all a lie of course.
I mean can you imagine sleeping peacefully in a warm toasty bed only to be forced out to the cold winter streets – wet and naked?
I’d be pissed and freaked out.
For the rest of the night I remember her waking up and crying every one and a half hours. And I remember getting up each interval changing her diaper and bringing her to mom for feeding.
After the feeding I would put her in a loose swaddle and rock her so that she would fall asleep.
All that crying.
It sounded like they cross-bred one of those rubber chickens with a pterodactyl.
What a truly terrible sound.
I felt bad that she was crying and disturbing her mom, so I just started walking around the maternity ward shoeless with a tiny baby in circles.
At one point I even thought, maybe if I walk her over to the nurses desk, they’ll see how distraught I look and help me hold her for a bit.
They just politely smiled and gave me a “your-wife-just-went-through-labour-and-you-better-hold-on-to-that-newborn-look.”
Basically I was so tired and overwhelmed, and I thought:
“Shhhhhhh*t I have a daughter now, and thiiiis is how it’s going to be?
I really didn’t think it would be that hard.
But it was.
And it’s something that I’ll never forget.
Of course things got better little by little as each day passed. And when we finally were discharged from the hospital, we felt relatively confident that we were able to do this.
And we were right.
As the weeks turned into months, and the months now became a year life is pretty sweet.
As I write this, my daughter is quietly taking a morning nap, and last night I even slept for 7 hours!
Life is good right now.
Yes, there still are tough days and tough nights. But nothing can measure up to that first night.
I think the experience I gained on that first night was exactly what I needed to prepare me as a dad.
And that’s the thing about becoming a parent, you can read all the books, go to the pre-natal classes, or talk to seasoned parents about their experiences. But when the moment comes and a life is gifted to you, you forget everything just learn on the fly.