Well hello Ingus from two years ago, how do you do?
It’s me again, present day Ingus.
Remember when I wrote to you last year giving you the heads up on the pregnancy? Well I’m back at it again, now with more unsolicited advice, this time I’m giving you the heads up on preparing to be dad.
So here it goes:
While you have the great intention of planning and plotting how you will be as a parent, I’m here to tell you that you should just relax a little.
All those rules, and promises you’re making to yourself and your wife — it might be best that you just ease up on them a little.
Let me explain…
You know that thing you do when you and your wife are sitting at a restaurant, and you see a kid glued to a screen, while the parents are shoving food down their throats?
You know, the condescending remark you whisper to you wife:
“That’ll never happen our kid, we’ll never resort to giving them an iPad to keep them quiet. If they really want to watch an iPad that badly, they just won’t eat then.”
You should probably stop doing that, and just lay off the judgement.
You’ll soon realize it’s not all about simply keeping their kids quiet at a restaurant — parents do it because it’s the only way their kid will eat. And trust me, when you’re a parent with a kid who doesn’t eat, you’ll do anything and everything at your disposal– including letting them watch a Justin Bieber music video 20 times. (BTW, stop watching or listening to anything JB, you’ll get a lifetime’s worth of it soon enough.)
And you know that parenting podcast you just listened to recently? You know, the one about not letting your child have screen time until the age of two?
I’m just going to say this: your daughter at 22 months will learn how to unlock your wife’s phone; go to her video folder; open the youtube app; scroll through a list of videos; and pull up her favourite song about five little monkey’s jumping on a bed.
It’s witchcraft I tell ya, but you’ll be so amazed that you’ll just let it slide.
So the whole no devices thing — just get over it — cause one day she’ll be teaching you and I how to use a computer, or whatever VR thing they have when we’re old.
Oh, you know that other thing you discussed adamantly with your wife about never letting your kid co-sleep with you, and the only way she can ever sleep in your room is with her own sleeping bag?
Yeah, you probably didn’t consider the fact that despite having a tough-as-nails-attitude towards your daughter being able to sleep independently, you’ll cave and want to have her sleep with you when the situation arises.
What type of situations?
Situations like if she’s crying hysterically in the hotel crib for three hours straight, or if she is fevering five days straight. When she’s sick in her crib, despite you having your ears and eyes glued to the monitor in your bed: you’ll bend and want her to come to your room.
Don’t believe me?
Well, when it’s 4am and both you and your wife have been up 10 times trying to put her back to sleep in her crib, your sleep deprived corpse will automatically maneuver it’s way over to her room to retrieve her pillow, blankie, elmo, and jellycat, and deposit it to the sweet centre of your kingsize bed.
You’ll do it willingly and unregrettably, because this is the only way you’ll have a peace of mind, knowing that you’ll be there at a moment’s notice when she needs you.
It’s going to happen, despite your current stance on co-sleeping.
Don’t worry, breaking these rules won’t ruin her, nor will it cast you as a failure as a parent. In fact it’ll make you appreciate how strong and independent your daughter really is, especially when she’s able to sleep back in her room when she’s all better.
These are just some of the predetermined rules that will be broken. And you know what?
It really is, because at the end of the day you’ll realize that there’s no right way of raising a kid, but only the way that works best for you, your wife, and your daughter.
So as you continue to read through all the material on how you’re going to raise your daughter properly, just put your phone down and make your extremely pregnant wife comfortable by rubbing her feet or something.
Because in a month or so, your world and rules will be turned upside down.
Present Day Ingus
P.S. If your wife asks you should we buy X? The answer is always no.
P.P.S. Buy bitcoin.